pixijane

smoking in my satin nightgown red trimmed with black it is cold searching my headphones for minor chords songs about blackbirds drinking water with lemon wishing it was something stronger something with more poison sobbing into a dented mattress feel the boards in my spine clenching my fist and feeling the bones in my frail hands writing by torchlight aching in my chest, in my rotting soul and splintered heart drawing faces in the dark all i want is sleep, no all i want is safety, no all i want is freedom, no all i want is nothing

Tonight I tried to tear my skin Straight from my bones But all that was under my fingernails Were pieces of peeled paint Tonight I tried to open my chest To release the thing that lives inside me But my skin is made of steel And my fingers bled Tonight my phone is silent And a woman on the other line Tells me That you are unavailable or cannot be reached I understand, I say It's how it's always been Tonight the sky is exploding And the walls are caving in But I am scared to go outside I am scared to move Tonight I am alone Wearing a robe, a bandage Drinking a sad cocktail And hating my love Tonight I tried to run away

vodkashotsandvaliumshakes bleedingwristandpulsingvein stifledcriesandnightmaremind leavemealoneandholdme

I'm a one girl car wreck On a bridge to nowhere My hair is limp and dull, but dyed red to fool you into thinking That I am blazing, confident I bite my nails, tear my hair Pick my skin and scream distortions I'm not as pretty as you think But you ignore the bruises and scars I'm a fucking wreck baby And I'll pull you down with me I will drag you into the depths but I can't help you back out (unless you are here to save me) I am not real I am just that beautiful mess That everyone wants to fix... but no one can I will make you cry and I will make you hurt I'm a fucking whore but I'm a prude Who'll use you just to feel lov

They all said "I want to save you" And they swore "We want to be there for you" Then they told her that she pushed them away That they couldn't help if they didn't know If they didn't understand And she said, "I never wanted you to understand. I only needed you to listen"

Did you know I miss you? And I hate that I don't hate you It's such a fucking cliche And I miss not missing you You were Are The brother who's not my brother You were A friend and foe in furious storms Do you remember? Smoking stolen cigarettes in stolen seconds And you could read my like a book That no one had ever read   Or at least you liked to think so Do you remember? Climbing through mirrors and climbing around heartache But it It will never be again I went too far this time I pushed too far, asked too much And you'll never know You left when I needed you most and I will never Forgive you But I'd be your fri

I wish To crawl inside my ribcage And examine What it is to breathe I wish to hide inside my own chest cavity Until I'm ready to live again I will hold on to arteries And slow my heart beat with gentle words   Inside my lungs There are dust and cobwebs (from not breathing deep enough) and empty tanks of oxygen (I appear to be running on empty)

I've heard so many people tell those who suffer depression to just 'cheer up.' I wonder if they can really believe that it's that simple. Depression isn't just sadness. It is emptiness, it is misery. It is pain and nothingness at once. When you are truly depressed you lack the ability or will to cheer yourself up. No one just 'has depression.' You suffer from it. This is depression: You will wake at 5, 6, maybe 7am, feeling as though you had only just fallen asleep. It's likely you did. If you don't have to be somewhere, you could lie in bed for another 3 hours...too tired, too miserable and pathetic to crawl out of you bed. Or maybe you wi